how was your transformation from atheist to a believer in Jesus ?
When I was 9 years I decided that nothing exists. When I thought about this “philosophy” I for example clashed into walls, because I didn’t believe that walls exist.
Also I was seeking to kill myself in this age.
My female cousin told me about a (rather silly) religion. I thought about this and concluded: the cousin’s religion is wrong, but God nevertheless exists.
I canceled killing myself and started to search for the right religion.
Some time latter I received Gospel of John. I concluded: A man cannot write this (without help of God). But I doubted: I have not yet read so called “great writers” (such as Lev Tolstoy). (Now after studying literature in a school, I know that “the great writers” are nothing compared with word of God.)
Yet later I received and read complete New Testament.
But I was lead astray with other religions.
After some internal struggle (may be to 13 years age), I decided that the truth is in the Gospel.
I found a Baptist church and started to visit it. Because I realized I am not saved, I sat weeping in the Baptist meetings.
I was possessed by daemons. I also was lead astray (now I suspect that these who led me astray were Jehovah Witnesses) not believing divinity of Christ.
I “attempted” to convert many times, but due my heresy it didn’t work.
I knew that my converts were not true, as I remained a maniacal killer (a man which attacks other people without a reason, or sometimes proclaiming that I was sent by Devil). But I knew that killers are not saved.
Demons destroyed my mind. First that were just outburst of uncontrolled anger. Then I had also madness and hallucinations. Finally I found that even between periods of madness and hallucinations I lost the ability to read and count, was not able to remember my name.
When I was already unable to read, I proclaimed the doctrine of Holy Trinity, and soon after this I converted. I felt a momentary change in my state. When I converted I thought that somebody turned on a lamp, but nobody turned a lamp, it were my eyes, what changed. I was no more a madman nor a maniacal killer.
