I accepted and openly confessed that though I do not anymore have “big” contradictions in my philosophy/theology (if I didn’t have “small” contradictions, that would be a sin that my philosophy is wrong.), I do have errors in my strategy. I quite well realized that I my strategy is not just bad, it’s stupid.

But now I have realized a big contradiction in my strategy, kinda the main error in my strategy:

At one hand I (partly) started following the words of Messiah:

(Luk. 21:28) “When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.””

I understood it as: stop staying on knees (praying) and start using your heads (thinking).

The contradiction is that I started to try to do this about at the same time, when I proclaimed that I do not have any reasonable strategy (saying that I had a strategy in the past, that is now I know what I would do in the past not to repeat my disaster, but I can’t move to the past and do it, and now I have been already to a deadend like not enough money, wrong age for free education, damaged relationships with everybody I know, etc.) Though I did some unexpected for myself of recent past great steps to improve my situation, my strategy is still largely a failure).

So, why Messiah said to me to stop praying and start to think, then? What should I do instead?